February 26th, 2009 - Ash Wednesday

7:30 - 8:30 pm

Just got out of a land navigation review course. Pretty much all day (7am - 5pm) was spent learning how to disassemble, reassemble, clear weapon, function check the BMG .50 aka M2 - .50 cal/MA Deuce - Belt fed 50 cal rifle, tripod or vehicle mounted. It's a big fucking rifle. Receiver and barrel total about 60 pounds. In two weeks we qualify on one we each get 100 rounds to practice with. That should be fun.

Tomorrow is the day land nav course. We have a map and compass and must locate 3 of 5 point out in the bushes in teams of four. I am worried it will be a cluster fuck like everything else, which I am sure it will be, but I start squad leader tomorrow of 1st squad. So, I'll have the ability to take control of my group. When you can't it's all f-d up (too many chiefs BS). Most groups will be like that. I was already PG once (platoon guide) - God that sucked. I'll have it again but probably not till close to the end of the cycle. Squad leader and PG suck. It's tons of responsibility, exposure and other peoples' BS you deal with and pay for, with no end result benefit.

It puts you up front in charge and responsible. I can do it. I just don't like to. One of the hardest things is a lot of the people you need to deal with are turds and that sucks. Good news for me is I can only have it for 4 days.

Mail call tonight. Still no mail. I don't know what is worse: not getting mail or not knowing when you might get mail. Before it was 'whatever' but over time I find myself hoping for it. It's not like I've been gone very long at all. I mean, shit, I've gone longer without family and friend contact and still been in the same town, or had a phone I could have picked up, but somehow when that ability is taken from you, it somehow takes on a whole different level of importance and necessity. I guess when that freedom is taken from you, you realize how important the need to be with family and friends is, and how the words of familiar people give you a strength and a peace of heart and mind. My mind also runs away with me and I always think the worst about what might be going on with my life at home while I am living here. The thought of family and friends and the dogs gives me a lot of strength to do good here, but wondering about how they are and having no way to find out also causes a lot of concern and a sad hopefulness that all is well. It is a strange place I find myself in now; never a moment alone yet completely isolated from the world I know. Here I function in two places: when I have to, I am here in the real world. Other times, when I can, I am some where else. I suppose it's just a way to pass time.

Well I hope all is good and everyone is OK.

Take Care

Scouts out
~Justin