So Im still here, the temps running around 115 in the day, allot hotter in the trucks.
You get sick to your stomach its so hot, it drains you.
Ive been up for the better part of 4 days, work, BS, and just not being able to sleep when I can. I'm sitting around today, waiting for shit to happen, that's my job today, i wait, like a firefighter at a fire house waiting for a fire, but I'm a Combat Arms Soldier, and today its my job to wait, but I'm waiting for a different kind of fire, small arms fire, indirect fire, direct fire, that kinda fire, I wish someone would just fire me hehehehe. I'm tired, and I'm dirty and I'm ready to go home. Ive been doing this shit for a year now, its time for a break, its time for some real food, a real bath, some real sleep and some fucking peace and quiet, People here are like broken records just saying the same shit over and over and over, I wish they would just shut the fuck up for once. And today as i try to sleep the artillary is going off, so every 20 seconds or so it sounds like a dump truck just fell out of the sky and landed in your front yard. The windows sound like they're going to break, the whole little metal box I live in vibrates and rattles, the door just popped open on the last one. Not to mention its pretty much an involintary reaction for your heart to skip a beat every time one goes off, you know its coming but its so loud and chaotic you cant help it, outside your calm inside you flinch. Its weird.
Well I just wanted to say Hi, I hope i see you all soon. I just might make it home in one piece, who knows..I'm going out to stand in the 120 degree sun and listen to shit blow up, while i smoke and bang my head against the concrete bunker. Talk to you all later...........................
justin
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Dam Its HOT
Ok So Im still here, god, its getting really hot, we get up to about 110 in the day, mabey a bit hotter in some places. today at about 10am it was around 100, ahhhh its HOT!!!!
But Im almost out of here. I'm so close now I can taste it, or is that just all the shit in the air, maybe that's what I taste heheh. Every day seems to take so long, just drudging on and on, with the heat and constant stupidity.
I've also noticed a change in my level of fear, I know when we first got here, and you first go out side the wire, your nervous, you don't know what to expect, then things start blowing up, people shooting at us, you stay calm, you react, you do your job, but its a bit unnerving when you stop to think about what it is your actually doing, what it is that can actually happen. Over time you become numb to it, you don't care, you just do what you have to do without thought of consiquence. You do it over and over and over. Hundreds upon hundreds of times, we do things every day that would make most people petrified if you stop to think about what it is your actually doing, and a fair amount of shit that would make your asshole pucker, but eventually you laugh and tell jokes in the middle of it, you just don't care it just doesn't matter, you realize if its your time its your time there is nothing your going to do to stop it. You start out with good intent, and motivation, you end up with allot of hate and disgust, for every thing here, every one here. the country, the government, the people, the weather, the food, the job, everything, I hate these people, I hate this country, I have one word that describes my feelings towards Afghanistan, Genocide....
Now that Im almost done that feelings back, that fear, that realization that this shit is life and death every second of every day, and now that i have such a short amount of time it sucks, i want to make it out of this shit hole and get home.
I think before I may not have felt this way, maybe I still wouldn't have cared, but not now, I have to much back home not to not get back there. I have a life and a family and things I need in my life.
I have a woman I love and and a family I want to be with. I have things I want to do, I don't care about this country or these people, I care about my life and my people, my family my friends, and enjoying life with them.
And as far as the army goes, they can kiss my ass goodbye, I'm not putting up with this shit again and giving up precious time with my family and friends. I only get to do this once, I want to do it right, and being with people who love you and who you love is probably the most important thing you can do, spending time with them enjoying things you like to do. And as far as the army goes, yeah its just a job, a job that doesn't pay well, pretends to be really caring and concenrd for its employees when in actuality is not, a job that puts you in harms way daily, a job that puts you in contact with people you don't want to be around, a job that just aint all its cracked up to be, and as far as the army if it were a company in the civilian world, they'd have no fucking employees I can guarantee that..
NOW I say all this only after only having served in two aspect of the army, in basic training and in combat, ive heard garrison is worse, but hmmm i guess ill find out pretty soon , Ill be home and get to go home, ill be with the ones i love, maybe it wont be quite as bad. heheheh Hmm I dont know, I go back and forth on what I think about this job, somedays I like it, some days I hate it, all I know is i hate not being able to see my girl. and honestly wont do this again cause there's no way i could ever be away from her for this long again, its just way to hard for both of us.
I guess the truth is getting shot at aint so bad, not being able to be with my girl thats the hard part, putting up with all the bs aint to hard, being without her is hard. i guess thats the truth. I guess i just want to be with her, not here. Ive found someone I really love and want to be with, and I guess im pissed cause im here, and I dont want to spend another day without her, the jobs not bad, the time apart is bad, the things you see here arnt so hard to deal with, the things Im not seeing back home are the things that are hard to know im missing. Comming here opend my eyes to the way the world really is, i see it first hand how horrible things can be, but if i wouldnt have come to afghanistan I wouldnt have found danielle, so amid all the darkness and all the despair, i have found my light, i found what is truly important to me, I found my wife,
and now its time to fucking go home and spend the rest of it with her.
Im really really looking forward to getting my dam hairy monsters back too, fuck i miss my doggys, hehehhe:)
I need a beer and some shade and cool grass under a tree that actually has some dam birds in it, I want to swim in a cold river and i want to do some things im not going to put on here cuz as open as I am there are some things that just aint nun your dam buisness heheheheh, unless your danielle, then you know what im talkin about heheheh. :)
ok fuck I dont know, Im jsut ready to go.
well ill be home soon, so I guess ill keep you posted on dates when i can, not quite yet but well its soon, youve got more fingers than ive got days so there you go.
any way take care,
I love you all see you soon,
take care
justin :)
But Im almost out of here. I'm so close now I can taste it, or is that just all the shit in the air, maybe that's what I taste heheh. Every day seems to take so long, just drudging on and on, with the heat and constant stupidity.
I've also noticed a change in my level of fear, I know when we first got here, and you first go out side the wire, your nervous, you don't know what to expect, then things start blowing up, people shooting at us, you stay calm, you react, you do your job, but its a bit unnerving when you stop to think about what it is your actually doing, what it is that can actually happen. Over time you become numb to it, you don't care, you just do what you have to do without thought of consiquence. You do it over and over and over. Hundreds upon hundreds of times, we do things every day that would make most people petrified if you stop to think about what it is your actually doing, and a fair amount of shit that would make your asshole pucker, but eventually you laugh and tell jokes in the middle of it, you just don't care it just doesn't matter, you realize if its your time its your time there is nothing your going to do to stop it. You start out with good intent, and motivation, you end up with allot of hate and disgust, for every thing here, every one here. the country, the government, the people, the weather, the food, the job, everything, I hate these people, I hate this country, I have one word that describes my feelings towards Afghanistan, Genocide....
Now that Im almost done that feelings back, that fear, that realization that this shit is life and death every second of every day, and now that i have such a short amount of time it sucks, i want to make it out of this shit hole and get home.
I think before I may not have felt this way, maybe I still wouldn't have cared, but not now, I have to much back home not to not get back there. I have a life and a family and things I need in my life.
I have a woman I love and and a family I want to be with. I have things I want to do, I don't care about this country or these people, I care about my life and my people, my family my friends, and enjoying life with them.
And as far as the army goes, they can kiss my ass goodbye, I'm not putting up with this shit again and giving up precious time with my family and friends. I only get to do this once, I want to do it right, and being with people who love you and who you love is probably the most important thing you can do, spending time with them enjoying things you like to do. And as far as the army goes, yeah its just a job, a job that doesn't pay well, pretends to be really caring and concenrd for its employees when in actuality is not, a job that puts you in harms way daily, a job that puts you in contact with people you don't want to be around, a job that just aint all its cracked up to be, and as far as the army if it were a company in the civilian world, they'd have no fucking employees I can guarantee that..
NOW I say all this only after only having served in two aspect of the army, in basic training and in combat, ive heard garrison is worse, but hmmm i guess ill find out pretty soon , Ill be home and get to go home, ill be with the ones i love, maybe it wont be quite as bad. heheheh Hmm I dont know, I go back and forth on what I think about this job, somedays I like it, some days I hate it, all I know is i hate not being able to see my girl. and honestly wont do this again cause there's no way i could ever be away from her for this long again, its just way to hard for both of us.
I guess the truth is getting shot at aint so bad, not being able to be with my girl thats the hard part, putting up with all the bs aint to hard, being without her is hard. i guess thats the truth. I guess i just want to be with her, not here. Ive found someone I really love and want to be with, and I guess im pissed cause im here, and I dont want to spend another day without her, the jobs not bad, the time apart is bad, the things you see here arnt so hard to deal with, the things Im not seeing back home are the things that are hard to know im missing. Comming here opend my eyes to the way the world really is, i see it first hand how horrible things can be, but if i wouldnt have come to afghanistan I wouldnt have found danielle, so amid all the darkness and all the despair, i have found my light, i found what is truly important to me, I found my wife,
and now its time to fucking go home and spend the rest of it with her.
Im really really looking forward to getting my dam hairy monsters back too, fuck i miss my doggys, hehehhe:)
I need a beer and some shade and cool grass under a tree that actually has some dam birds in it, I want to swim in a cold river and i want to do some things im not going to put on here cuz as open as I am there are some things that just aint nun your dam buisness heheheheh, unless your danielle, then you know what im talkin about heheheh. :)
ok fuck I dont know, Im jsut ready to go.
well ill be home soon, so I guess ill keep you posted on dates when i can, not quite yet but well its soon, youve got more fingers than ive got days so there you go.
any way take care,
I love you all see you soon,
take care
justin :)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Hi everyone
Ok, well im still here.
Its May 11 now and still counting down.
A year of this is way to long, about 9 months you really loose motivation and perspective, all the super dumb shit everyone pulls really just train wrecks about 9 months in and from there on out it is just seems to be so fucking retarded its unbalevable, this whole place is nothing but a bunch of egotisticle self centerd grown ass men who act like a bunch of little whiny snively little girls, holy fuck what a bunch of retards this place is full of, everyone knows better than everyone, everyone is bigger badder faster smarter done it more, done this better than everyone fickin no sence of friking any frikin thing heheheh " In an enviroment that is totaly based on rank structure and leadership what the fuck ever happend to the philosiphy of lead by example, i guess that shit flew out the window long ago, the army doesnt suck, i swear its the fucking idiots in the army that make it suck, holy shit, what a cluster fuck of stupidity this place is.....I hope to fuck no one from the army ever walks onto my jobsite back home, for there sake, cause i will chew them the fuck up. And If I ever run into any of them on the street halaluja for you good great fine get the fuck out of my way you dumb ass.....cause i aint buyin it and aint in the mood to listen to you try and sell it, my give a fuck is about down to none right now, god dam shit bags hheheheheehehheheheheh,
SORRY Just a little venting on my part and a little look into what is pretty much going though my head these days when Im not thinking about the one and only thing that really keeps me sain.....
And you know who you are ;)
hehehhe, yeah im talking about danielle, ;) it sure is wonderful to have you to talk to baby, you really keep me going everyday, the thought of you, wanting to talk to you wanting to get home to you really helps me get there and get over all the other crap that drives me mad, in the end none of that matters when i think about you and how much i love you and how much I know you love me ;)
Your a wonderful woman, and i love you so much, thank you for being there almost every dang day, your so good to me, I love you :)
And on that note, I cant stop thinking about comming home to my family and friends, dogs and a cold beer, green grass and a fisin pole by the creek...prety much looking at around 40 days right now give or take you never really know with these butt fuckers i swear it wouldnt suprise me if we were half way accross tha atlantic and they turnd the dam plane around to come do some frigins stupid shit back here, it really wouldnt suprise me one dam bit. :) hehehheheheh
Well i gota go, another mission starts again.. over and over and over and over and over and over the stupidity just rolls on :)
well i sure miss you all, and cant wait to get home and see a few of you,
especially well the 5 or so people who actually read this heheheh, jason, mom, morgan, mac and especially you danille, more than anything i cant wait to get home to you and the girls :)
Well Ill talk to you all soon, love you take care
justin
Its May 11 now and still counting down.
A year of this is way to long, about 9 months you really loose motivation and perspective, all the super dumb shit everyone pulls really just train wrecks about 9 months in and from there on out it is just seems to be so fucking retarded its unbalevable, this whole place is nothing but a bunch of egotisticle self centerd grown ass men who act like a bunch of little whiny snively little girls, holy fuck what a bunch of retards this place is full of, everyone knows better than everyone, everyone is bigger badder faster smarter done it more, done this better than everyone fickin no sence of friking any frikin thing heheheh " In an enviroment that is totaly based on rank structure and leadership what the fuck ever happend to the philosiphy of lead by example, i guess that shit flew out the window long ago, the army doesnt suck, i swear its the fucking idiots in the army that make it suck, holy shit, what a cluster fuck of stupidity this place is.....I hope to fuck no one from the army ever walks onto my jobsite back home, for there sake, cause i will chew them the fuck up. And If I ever run into any of them on the street halaluja for you good great fine get the fuck out of my way you dumb ass.....cause i aint buyin it and aint in the mood to listen to you try and sell it, my give a fuck is about down to none right now, god dam shit bags hheheheheehehheheheheh,
SORRY Just a little venting on my part and a little look into what is pretty much going though my head these days when Im not thinking about the one and only thing that really keeps me sain.....
And you know who you are ;)
hehehhe, yeah im talking about danielle, ;) it sure is wonderful to have you to talk to baby, you really keep me going everyday, the thought of you, wanting to talk to you wanting to get home to you really helps me get there and get over all the other crap that drives me mad, in the end none of that matters when i think about you and how much i love you and how much I know you love me ;)
Your a wonderful woman, and i love you so much, thank you for being there almost every dang day, your so good to me, I love you :)
And on that note, I cant stop thinking about comming home to my family and friends, dogs and a cold beer, green grass and a fisin pole by the creek...prety much looking at around 40 days right now give or take you never really know with these butt fuckers i swear it wouldnt suprise me if we were half way accross tha atlantic and they turnd the dam plane around to come do some frigins stupid shit back here, it really wouldnt suprise me one dam bit. :) hehehheheheh
Well i gota go, another mission starts again.. over and over and over and over and over and over the stupidity just rolls on :)
well i sure miss you all, and cant wait to get home and see a few of you,
especially well the 5 or so people who actually read this heheheh, jason, mom, morgan, mac and especially you danille, more than anything i cant wait to get home to you and the girls :)
Well Ill talk to you all soon, love you take care
justin
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Its Dam hot again damit.
Wow its hot as hell already, I guess the good part is that means im comming up on a year in this shit hole. woo hooo. Counting down the days till i get to go home, and the most important thing, counting down the days till i get to see my girls all five, and you to little bear, cant wait to see your bear tail heheheh, heheeh,::)
Time sure seems to be going so so so slow, every day takes so long, but one day at a time and im getting there. Just like basic training bla that sure sucked ass, i wouldnt wish that on anyone heheheh, or this for that matter but once this is done, i really think the hard parts over. I mean atleas in garrison its just training for a while no ones really actually trying to kill you hehhehe:)
I still havent made any decisions as to what all the army might hold for me yet, I got lots of other things to think about now, and allot of things that are just alot more important to me that I want to be around for and spend time doing than just continuing to fucking off in the army ;) Althogh im still pretty interested in a job as a special agent with the CID.
Well I got to keep this one short I guess, gotta go out on a patrol mission again tonight, whats new pretty much 6 times a week average for the last year iv been doing that, so what ever....
I really just came here to write today with one thing on my mind, and that is to say hi to my future wife, danielle, who for me really is already my wife were just waiting on the wedding part hehehe which im really looking forward to by the way :)
So Hi baby, just wanted to say I love you :)
Hope to talk to you soon, I hope you smile when you see i left you a little something here on the blog too heheheh, I know you like it :)
I love you,
I sure miss you baby :)
see all you other turkys soon,
God bless america, the greatest fucking country on the planet :)
scouts out :)
Time sure seems to be going so so so slow, every day takes so long, but one day at a time and im getting there. Just like basic training bla that sure sucked ass, i wouldnt wish that on anyone heheheh, or this for that matter but once this is done, i really think the hard parts over. I mean atleas in garrison its just training for a while no ones really actually trying to kill you hehhehe:)
I still havent made any decisions as to what all the army might hold for me yet, I got lots of other things to think about now, and allot of things that are just alot more important to me that I want to be around for and spend time doing than just continuing to fucking off in the army ;) Althogh im still pretty interested in a job as a special agent with the CID.
Well I got to keep this one short I guess, gotta go out on a patrol mission again tonight, whats new pretty much 6 times a week average for the last year iv been doing that, so what ever....
I really just came here to write today with one thing on my mind, and that is to say hi to my future wife, danielle, who for me really is already my wife were just waiting on the wedding part hehehe which im really looking forward to by the way :)
So Hi baby, just wanted to say I love you :)
Hope to talk to you soon, I hope you smile when you see i left you a little something here on the blog too heheheh, I know you like it :)
I love you,
I sure miss you baby :)
see all you other turkys soon,
God bless america, the greatest fucking country on the planet :)
scouts out :)
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