January 17th, 2009

Pretty much same shit different day. Sunday lots of guys go to church service. Those who don't clean. I cleaned. Now I am just taking time to write and watch. Tonight at 6 I have line of sight duty which means me and another have to guard the kid on suicide watch. God, this place is fucking weird. Apparently BCT is way worse and I bet it is. At least will be busy. Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it. I keep telling myself it is and I will see that in the end. Besides, there is no way out now. I think they are quite a few people here asking themselves the same question. Everyone that said you will see every type here was 110% correct.

This place is sort of a cross between a minimum security prison and a friggin nut house. There are a few guys here that are going to do well. There's a lot that will struggle, a lot of serious immaturity in most but definitely not all. To keep busy in free time you can sleep, write, read or do PT (sit-ups, push-ups, etc.). A lot of guys complain about pulling duty. I like it. It keeps me busy. Today I got: clean the stairwell, suicide watch and at 3am - 4am I got door guard. Wake up tomorrow is 0500. 0545 is accountability or some shit. We do that at least 3xs a day. I hope to God I get to go to BCT on Friday. I don't want to be a hold over. I would be here for another 20+ days and do this with whole different group. How fucked would that be?

I'm still nervous about BCT, but at least I'll be moving forward. Found out today; if you pass AIT with 100%, you get EIC which is excellence in Cavalry. I highly doubt that to be possible, but it's something to shoot for. I know I would do well in marksmanship. 95% of these guys talk about they can't wait to shoot. Then will proceed to tell you all about rifles and ballistics and shit. Well not really ballistics. They don't know that shit and that's it when you listen to them. It's like everything they know about marksmanship came from video games or TV shows. I'm sure they'll learn but I am way out in front on the power curve there. The other thing I can't figure our is how so many out of shape fuckers there are here. Maybe like 20-25%. I need to go to the PX. I need cloths bad. My shorts smell like BO bad.

The other thing is I've been told you may or may not be able to get a watch. I really need one bad. Beither wihtout a personal time piece is ridiculous.

I'm not really homesick. I just wish I knew if everything was going well at home. I know it should be and probably is. I just wish I knew how the dogs were doing, and knew that the house is good. It's not like missing your girlfriend. It's more like having everything that is important to you completely out of your control. No No way of knowing if it's good or not and no way to fix it even if it was or is bad. And knowing it's going to stay that way for a while. Well the not knowing for a while and not being able to do anything for a long while.

Man, oh, man.